Fake Last Post

 

Any of ye who have been blogging for any length of time have probably run across a scenario like this; you log onto to your Reader only to find that one of the bloggers that you follow is announcing his or her retirement from blogging. Now, sometimes it’s goodbye for real, and you naturally feel sad. After all, you’ve read this person’s work, learned about their beliefs and interests, and shared a joke or two in the comments section. Maybe, as sometimes happens, you’ve become friends, either through WordPress or in “real life”. If you’re a regular reader of mine, I can tell you with all honesty that I consider you a friend. (Except you, Dave. Fuck you.)

But more often than, not, you get the blogging equivalent of the boy who cried wolf. Some random starts his (almost always a “man”) post off with “The jig is up. I can’t go on and don’t know when or if I’ll be back” and goes onto to say his brave farewell to his loyal readers. His comment section blows up with people either wishing him a fond farewell or tearfully begging him to stay. Then he disappears for a full 26 hours before miraculously coming back from his bout with ennui/bursitis/ chicken neck/whatever and treating you to more of the same riveting reading material that you’ve been politely skimming over for the last couple of days/months/god forbid years.

It is in this spirit, and for the same reason (nothing to write about) that I offer you my own “last post” which as far as I know is entirely fake. It will be followed by fake comments from fake readers in a fake comment section. You, the real reader, are then welcome to leave your own comments in the real comment section.

Except you, Dave. Fuck. You. 

 

Dear Readers,

As many of you know, the Tilapia Rescue Fund that I started with the compensation monies I received following the incident at last year’s Dingleberry Festival in Offaly (actually a real place, unfortunately) have been embezzled by my Bhutanese man-about-town, Freddy “Mercury” Gyatso. As a result, I have had to eat about half the tilapia in front of the other half, which I then released, sans ceremony, into the jacks at Joe Watty’s. That being the half I ate. The living ones I released into the bay. Anyways, can’t go on, must go on, blah blah blah, your friend, Oglach.

 

LEAVE YOUR COMMENT HERE

 

Nigel says:  You always was useless as a cock-flavoured lollipop. Good riddance.

 

Dave says: Tramp down the dirt.

 

Oglach’s Mum says: You owe me fifty euro.

 

Dave’s Mum says: I owe you fifty euro.  😉

 

Well there you have it, all nice and fake, and I’ll be back in a few days with something equally stimulating, for which I apologise in advance. To those friends of mine who have had to bow out of blogging or simply take a break, but who still take the time out of their lives to read and sometimes comment, please know how much that means to me. To those of you who read and write still, likewise. How wonderful that we can enrich one another’s lives in any way, however small.

And I shouldn’t have to say this, but there is no “Dave”. I mean, there is one, several actually, but they are not the fictional Dave mentioned in this fake post.

Also, no tilapia were harmed.

Or Bhutanese people.

Ciao.