Fake Last Post

 

Any of ye who have been blogging for any length of time have probably run across a scenario like this; you log onto to your Reader only to find that one of the bloggers that you follow is announcing his or her retirement from blogging. Now, sometimes it’s goodbye for real, and you naturally feel sad. After all, you’ve read this person’s work, learned about their beliefs and interests, and shared a joke or two in the comments section. Maybe, as sometimes happens, you’ve become friends, either through WordPress or in “real life”. If you’re a regular reader of mine, I can tell you with all honesty that I consider you a friend. (Except you, Dave. Fuck you.)

But more often than, not, you get the blogging equivalent of the boy who cried wolf. Some random starts his (almost always a “man”) post off with “The jig is up. I can’t go on and don’t know when or if I’ll be back” and goes onto to say his brave farewell to his loyal readers. His comment section blows up with people either wishing him a fond farewell or tearfully begging him to stay. Then he disappears for a full 26 hours before miraculously coming back from his bout with ennui/bursitis/ chicken neck/whatever and treating you to more of the same riveting reading material that you’ve been politely skimming over for the last couple of days/months/god forbid years.

It is in this spirit, and for the same reason (nothing to write about) that I offer you my own “last post” which as far as I know is entirely fake. It will be followed by fake comments from fake readers in a fake comment section. You, the real reader, are then welcome to leave your own comments in the real comment section.

Except you, Dave. Fuck. You. 

 

Dear Readers,

As many of you know, the Tilapia Rescue Fund that I started with the compensation monies I received following the incident at last year’s Dingleberry Festival in Offaly (actually a real place, unfortunately) have been embezzled by my Bhutanese man-about-town, Freddy “Mercury” Gyatso. As a result, I have had to eat about half the tilapia in front of the other half, which I then released, sans ceremony, into the jacks at Joe Watty’s. That being the half I ate. The living ones I released into the bay. Anyways, can’t go on, must go on, blah blah blah, your friend, Oglach.

 

LEAVE YOUR COMMENT HERE

 

Nigel says:  You always was useless as a cock-flavoured lollipop. Good riddance.

 

Dave says: Tramp down the dirt.

 

Oglach’s Mum says: You owe me fifty euro.

 

Dave’s Mum says: I owe you fifty euro.  😉

 

Well there you have it, all nice and fake, and I’ll be back in a few days with something equally stimulating, for which I apologise in advance. To those friends of mine who have had to bow out of blogging or simply take a break, but who still take the time out of their lives to read and sometimes comment, please know how much that means to me. To those of you who read and write still, likewise. How wonderful that we can enrich one another’s lives in any way, however small.

And I shouldn’t have to say this, but there is no “Dave”. I mean, there is one, several actually, but they are not the fictional Dave mentioned in this fake post.

Also, no tilapia were harmed.

Or Bhutanese people.

Ciao.

 

 

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51 Responses to Fake Last Post

  1. sdtp33 says:

    Welcome Back!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Thanks for the warning. All the best from Dave.
    In all seriousness, I have recently had a mutual follower of some years sign off with a sudden, inexplicable, rant – aimed only at me.
    I look forward to your return

    Liked by 6 people

  3. merrildsmith says:

    I’m glad no tilapia were harmed, but as for Dave–well, he probably deserved it. 😉
    Enjoy your non-break break.

    Liked by 4 people

  4. Having retired twice from my blog and returned almost immediately, I am wondering whether I should take this personally … 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

  5. Your fake goodbye was so authentic I feel it must have been stolen from some other drama-king’s farewell speech. Except no one can eat that much tilapia. Or, really, much tilapia at all.

    I have seen a few of these, the forlorn farewell, in my short time intermingling in the ‘sphere, and have seen it from both sexes. (Should that say “genders”?). Some never came back and are sorely missed. Others … just needed a little love and prompting.

    I’m glad I don’t have to do the whole “love and prompting” thing with you, Oglach. You know you’re good, you know you’re admired, and you know everyone here thinks so.

    Except Dave.

    Dave is actually shocked you’re still around. 😉

    Liked by 5 people

  6. An excellent post Oglach.
    I think maybe Dave has a sash in his wardrobe,
    and he likes to take it out once a year to show it off.

    Liked by 3 people

  7. An excellent and very funny post Oglach.
    I think maybe Dave has a sash in his wardrobe,
    an orange one, that he likes to take out once a year, to show off his ignorance.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Sorry Oglach. I somehow posted two comments.
    That just shows how much I enjoy reading your work.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. And I was so much looking forward to a fake bugle call. 😖😟

    Liked by 3 people

  10. well, I’m glad it was only a joke Óglach, I always enjoy your posts. Wow – you get a lot of comments – or did you make them all up 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

  11. Sarah says:

    So glad it’s only a fake goodbye and that you already need some rest from resting. 😉
    As weird as these last posts can be sometimes what troubles me more are those that don’t say a word and you end up all worried. I believe you also know Cathy from Southern Highways and Byways – her blog has gone silent and I just wished I knew what’s up. 😦

    Liked by 4 people

    • oglach says:

      I think about Cathy a lot because she is just so talented. I’m sure she’s fine, probably working on something important. Maybe she’ll let us know one of these days. I know what you mean about people disappearing, though. There have been one or two along the way that I worry over, too. So you and I will hereby pledge to let the other know if we’re moving on to greener pastures, Then the other one can bother telling everyone else. 😉

      Liked by 3 people

  12. Very funny and also a bit twisted! I often wonder why people do what they do. I just had a fellow blogger stop following me because I’d taken a hiatus from blogging and somehow took it personally. Hitting the pause button can make all the difference, or you may end up posting or commenting something kinda crazy! 😜

    Liked by 4 people

  13. I love your posts. I am real. And I am always careful not to be caught by the spam filter. I will add some emojis to prove it.🤖🤖🤖 And some relevant thoughts on football and cheap medications that are made in Third World countries from sand. PS: yeah, this will probably get filtered out. 😄

    Liked by 4 people

  14. “Fake” America loves Oglach! More! More! Encore!

    Liked by 2 people

  15. Mary Tang says:

    The demise of my site is real. All access by me or my followers are blocked.

    Liked by 1 person

    • oglach says:

      And so how do I find you, Mary? I requested permission, is that enough? Or are you concentrating solely on the book? Please let me know.

      Like

      • Mary Tang says:

        No more blogging for me; it’s been a huge lesson. I am working on my book; if there’s news I will ask Robert Okaji to broadcast it on his blog. I think he will do it for me.

        Like

      • oglach says:

        Not that you need it, but I wish you the best of luck. I look forward to your book and I’ll keep an eye on Roberts blog. You have my sincere thanks for deepening my enjoyment of the classical Chinese poets and for sharing your own wonderful poetry. Garden on. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  16. megaeggz says:

    Whens the real one 😛😉

    Liked by 1 person

  17. abushiestale says:

    There are two situations that you bring to mind. Firstly a blogger who stopped posting because he died without giving any warning, and secondly the bastard who stopped reading my posts and commenting but still commented on everyone else’s just because I told him I disagreed with one of his pedantic, completely stupid and incomprehensible rants.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. inesephoto says:

    Going to the Ring of Beara next week. My first long trip after the break. Excited and a little bit worried, but hope all goes well. If there is no post from me next weekend… well, I guess there is no wifi over there 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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