Eejit Orange IV

Damn it, I cannot leave you kids alone for one second.

I went out of town to help out some friends with some farm work. No computer, no television, no cell reception. It was quite nice.

By the time I returned home, I was quite tired. I thought about watching the news, thought better of it, and went to sleep. By the time I woke, I got this. Sunday night, the Orange Hall on Clifton St. in Belfast was attacked with some paint and a petrol bomb. The hall is right next door to an Indian community centre, and it was on this side that the device was thrown; it burst into flames and then burned out; there followed a bit of a scrap between the police and about twenty youngsters.

Of course, the attack was roundly condemned by politicians on both sides, including Sinn Féin councillor JJ Magee, who had this to say; “I would appeal for people to desist from this activity immediately, which are only adding to tensions over the marching season.” More on Mr. Magee in a moment, but first I have something to say to the person who threw the petrol bomb, whom I’m assuming was a juvenile, because the device in question was neither properly made nor used. First of all, my little amadán, don’t do that. For one thing, even if you had the skill to take the hall out, innocent people could have been hurt or killed; you’d be a hero for a day and in prison for a lot longer than that. And the hall would be rebuilt long before you got out. More importantly, Eejit Orange actually wants you to do things like this because it strengthens their stated cause of protecting the community from all of us nasty nationalists. Now that you’ve had your little spanking, I want you to know that it hurt me more than it hurt you, and I was an angry young man once, and now I’m angry older man. So I’m going to offer you, your friends, and your parents, some advice.


1. Remain calm.Remember, most Orangemen are eejits, and you should not be afraid of them, but rather feel sorry for them.

2. Remain still. I don’t mean board up your windows and stay inside, just don’t leave town; parents, don’t send your kids off to Dublin or Gweedore or anywhere else, but do keep an eye on them at all times.

3. Attend all parades, but do so in a non-violent manner (if possible.) JJ Magee was one of two people who were able to take video of the Young Conway Volunteers as they paraded around St. Patrick’s Cathedral on the Twelfth back in 2012, and without his video footage, none of those “men” would have ever been tried. True, he was attacked by Orangemen, and were it not for a police officer actually doing his job for once, would probably have suffered grievous bodily harm; my point is, be like Magee; take plenty of pictures. If you are attacked, try my newest self-defence tactic; run like hell.

4. Celebrate said parades and marches; these eejits are after all, your neighbours. Try throwing confetti; not “Irish confetti”, but the actual paper kind, green and gold, if possible. It will probably confuse and/or scare the hell out of them; they’ll most likely think it’s some sort of radioactive Fenian “dirty confetti” and run on home.

5. Remember; although this happens every year, it also stops every year. When in doubt, see step one.

Well, that’s all for now; despite my unsolicited advice, I imagine I’ll be writing on this subject again soon; I just hope that when I do, I’m not so angry that I take it all back.

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3 Responses to Eejit Orange IV

  1. acarson1 says:

    You are correct in your analysis of petrol bomb throwing. One night at a BBQ in my back garden, the topic came up. The ingredients for a perfect petrol bomb were discussed at length. The method also. We laughed at these youngins throwing them from the neck and setting fire to their own arms. The brother in law duly gave a demonstration of how a petrol bomb should be thrown. Holding his coors light in the palm of his hand, he went for it Banksy style – ended up firing drink all round me. But at least I know how it’s done 😀. I’m not a massive fan of JJ but great read all the same.


    • oglach says:

      Thanks for the like and the comment, and also the story about your BBQ. I could talk a bit more about the subject, but probably better not. I’m not a huge fan of JJ, either, but again, thank you. I wish you would write more often; your reply was a better read than most of the stuff out there.

      Liked by 1 person

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