Eejit Orange, Part I

A long time ago, in South Armagh, during “marching season”, a member of the Orange Order, Grand Orange Lodge, or whatever you want to call it, did something very unintelligent. Which is not so shocking.

This man, quite drunk at the time, let himself into a Catholic church, dressed in full regalia, and began marching up and down between the pews while beating on a Lambeg drum. While Mass was being conducted.

I’m not a particularly religious man, but there must be such a thing as miracles, because somehow, this man was not murdered.

Actually, it was not divine intervention that saved him, but one of his fellow Orangemen. He braved his way into the church, took his friend gently (but firmly) by the arm and whispered into his ear “That’s enough.”


I have a great deal to say about the Orange Lodge, and unfortunately, given the time of year, I will have to spend a good deal of my time writing about it, when I’d prefer to be writing about more pleasant summer-time topics; sunshine, beaches, pretty girls in revealing clothing, and the like. But a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.

Yesterday in Glasgow, we had “Orangefest”, which was thankfully beset by inclement weather. The “festival”/parade, was protested by 28,000 inhabitants of Scotland in an online petition.

Which in part, stated the following; ” The people of Glasgow and Scotland are sick of their voices going unheard in relation to sectarian, hate-filled Orange marches. Now we have to deal with “Orangefest”.

The Order’s response was to describe the protest as “uninformed nonsense” and that “the usual suspects” were responsible for attempting to stop the parade/festival/freakshow.

The usual suspects. That doesn’t sound very culturally inclusive, does it? Which contradicts the Order’s current (stated) aim of education and cultural outreach.

I’ll let the Orangemen speak for themselves ( as if they haven’t already) until I continue to rant about this ongoing pain in the ass.

“We are a Protestant fraternity with members throughout the world. Autonomous Grand Lodges are found in Scotland, England, the United States of America, West Africa, Canada, Australia, and New Zealand. Our name comes from William III Prince of Orange, and is kept because of his victory over despotic power which laid the foundation for the evolution of Constitutional Democracy in the British Isles.”—www.grand orange lodge. co. uk.

Didn’t see Ireland mentioned in that bit. I did however, note the phrase “despotic power.” Ask anybody in the northern six counties to explain that phrase to you; I”ll bet they have a different interpretation than the Orangemen.

You fellas keep beating your drums and playing your flutes. Your music is falling on willfully deaf ears.

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